So I know it's been awhile, more then that really. I don't know if anyone is really even reading this anymore. But it's always nice to be able to write your thoughts or anything down really. I want to skip ahead of the whole how we got together and how we came to be story. I thought I would be able to sit back and write it down everyday but truth is, life gets in the way and spending time with my husband is more important then writing a blog. So I'll catch you up to speed later if you really want to know ;). Being married has definatly changed me in more ways then I can count. Alex makes me a better person then I ever thought I could be. It also makes me think more. I have more to be accountable for. I think twice before I shop. I'm also always looking at the future and not just in the moment anymore. Ever since this new year started I have said I am joing National Guard at the end of this year. Now don't get me wrong, I want to do it more then anything. But there are some doubts. What if I can't physically do it? What if I can't pass the test or fail at anything else? I hate to let people down and if I ever let Alex down I would be crushed. My new thing I am starting to think of is Nursing. It is kind of a shocker because I have been set on going through fire standards and becoming a fire fighting no matter what. It's not that easy to decide when you are being pulled in so many directions. Now the obvisous answer should be nursing. There are more jobs available and the pay is a lot more as well. But there is something that I just can't wrap my finger around that makes me feel like nursing just isn't enough. I'm afraid I would be too willing to go after being a doctor and that's something that scares me. More doubts float into my head. What if I can't do it? When it was just me, I guess it wasn't that big of a deal. But now that I am married there is so much more at sake. I don't want to waste time and fail at something. And that is probabley one of my biggest fears is failing.
We decided to wait to have kids. I believe one of our best decisions. Why rush? I watch soo many of my friends have kids and I think it's absolutely amazing, I really do. I envy them for being able to have a piece of them and their husband and they made a child together. I would do anything to have that. But just not yet. I can barely do a puppy and even though I joke with Alex and say a kid would be easier I know it wouldn't be. I want to be able to have a nice home and a stable job before I have kids. I can barely make a decision about my own future, I really doubt I could make decisions for someone elses. Once kids are in the picture it makes things so much harder. While yes it is worth every second of it in the end, I want to make sure I have had more then enough time with my husband. And do the things we have wanted to do before the kids. I know traveling to a different country is a little pricey but Alaska is something we both want to do. And I really want a house before anything. I want to know we have a stable living arrangements before anything. I don't want to move from house to house every year. I want to be able to put notches in my kids door post on their birthday and watch them grow. I believe in the end that is what everyone wants, whether they wait or not. But our choise is waiting so we can have our cake and eat it too.
